Unit 6: Sharing Jesus
We need to learn the art of asking questions, and the closely related art of listening
II) POINTS OF CONNECTION
Extract from The Sacrament of Evangelism by Jerry Root
Lee Strobel, the well-known Christian apologist and author, says we have reached a new day in sharing the gospel. The old, surefire gospel methods now often misfire. It's not that people won't listen to our outlines. Techniques, verses, and ready gospel facts certainly have their place in the quiver of the sacramental evangelist. But gone are the days when we could just whip through a basic gospel presentation and see people convinced intellectually and give their hearts to Jesus. He says we have to add a story of our encounter with the living Christ.
"That's what my ministry is about,” Strobel told Stan. “I tell my story: I was an atheist. I scoffed. My wife became a Christian. It prompted me to investigate. Here's the evidence I found, how I received Christ, the difference it's made. It's a story. And I found that in postmodern America, people are often willing to engage on the level of story."
If an evangelist as accomplished as Lee Strobel thinks we need to clothe our gospel facts in stories, then perhaps we should as well. Of course, while establishing personal points of connection with listeners may be the latest trend in witnessing, it is not really new. Jesus did it all the time. Let's take some time to savor the way He established points of connection with the woman at the well in Samaria:
And [Jesus] had to pass through Samaria. So he came to a town of Samaria called Sychar, near the field that Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob's well was there; so Jesus, wearied as he was from his journey, was sitting beside the well. It was about the sixth hour.
A woman from Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give me a drink.” (For his disciples had gone away into the city to buy food.) The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, 'Give me a drink, you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water."
Jesus said to her, "Go, call your husband, and come here." The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, "You are right in saying, 'I have no husband'; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.” The woman said to him, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet. Our fathers worshiped on this mountain, but you say that in Jerusalem is the place where people ought to worship.” Jesus said to her, "Woman, believe me, the hour is coming when neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem will you worship the Father. You worship what you do not know; we worship what we know, for salvation is from the Jews. But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” The woman said to him, "I know that the Messiah is coming (he who is called Christ). When he comes, he will tell us all things.” Jesus said to her, “I who speak to you am he.”
Just then his disciples came back. They marveled that he was talking with a woman, but no one said, “What do you seek?" or, “Why are you talking with her?" So the woman left her water jar and went away into town and said to the people, "Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?” They went out of the town and were coming to him.
... Many Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman's testimony, "He told me all that I ever did." So when the Samaritans came to him, they asked him to stay with them, and he stayed there two days. And many more believed because of his word. They said to the woman, "It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Savior of the world.”
Note that Jesus used what was ready at hand to bring into the light a deeper spiritual need. With the woman at the well, the initial point of connection was water. They were both thirsty, and Jesus asked her for a drink. In asking for water, of course, Jesus stepped outside of cultural conventions. He was a Jewish man, she a Samaritan woman. But the connection was made, and it awakened in her a curiosity that led to deeper heart issues and, in short order, her salvation, and the salvation of many of her neighbors.
BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS
Baron Friedrich von Hugel, an Austrian nobleman and Christian apologist at the turn of the twentieth century, understood well the need to meet people where they are in order to take them where they need to be. “I want to make the most of whatever light people have got, however slight it may be,” von Hugel said, “to strengthen and deepen whatever they already possess if I can.” We use the word “make” advisedly, since our sacramental understanding of God means that He is already present in the life of the other people, before we ever open our mouths.
And since God is with this person, we can trust that we will discover mutual points of connection. We need to connect with people at any given moment and in any setting. So pray for God to open your eyes and give you the insight and words you need as you speak with others.
Certainly on the surface it seems to be more difficult to build relationships than it used to be. Modern society has brought many blessings: vaccinations, appliances, technology, mobility, and so on. But our very mobility as a society erodes traditional social ties and encourages both anonymity and distrust of strangers. We can connect through the Internet with people across the world but somehow have little to say to our next-door neighbors.
In 2006, the American Sociological Review published a study that should give us pause, “Social Isolation in America.” Researchers Miller McPherson, Lynn Smith-Lovin, and Matthew E. Brashears reported a "remarkable drop" in the number of people who were able to discuss important matters with others.
The study found that, as of 2004, the average American had just two close friends, compared with an average of three in 1985. Those reporting none multiplied from 10 percent to 25 percent. The share of Americans reporting as many as four or five friends, meanwhile, plunged from 33 percent to just over 15 percent.
In other words, the sacramental evangelist will have to work harder than ever before to build trust and establish relationships with others. But don't worry; if you listen to the God who walks alongside, your efforts will be rewarded. You will stand out from our darkening culture like a “star in the universe." People will see you as someone who is interested in them and is approachable. This is not rocket science. Decades ago, Dale Carnegie, author of the bestselling How to Win Friends and Influence People, pointed out that those who are genuinely interested in others often gain a hearing for themselves.
HAVING SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT
We will need, of course, a growing understanding of the nature of life. We cannot effectively talk with others if we do not have.. something worth saying. As we have said, Bible verses, as good and important as they are in themselves, are usually not enough to generate a desire to understand the gospel or lead someone to Jesus. We need to know how to connect, and having a variety of interests to talk about will help us do so. While we shouldn't wait to share our faith with others, neither should we shrink from doing the hard work to get better at it.
While the secrets of the kingdom are not revealed to the self-proclaimed wise, ignorance for the sake of ignorance is no virtue. We are responsible to take whatever talents the Lord has given us and multiply them for greater effectiveness in the kingdom.
For example, a good liberal arts education generally will help us to see and connect more widely with different kinds of people. Note the mission statement of Wheaton College, where Jerry teaches: “Wheaton College exists to help build the church and improve society worldwide by promoting the development of whole and effective Christians through excellence in programs of Christian higher education. This mission expresses our commitment to do all things—‘for Christ and His Kingdom.'” The liberal arts, grounded in a solidly biblical worldview, should lead us to good reading, self-awareness, and social, psychological, and emotional connectedness. These qualities should open us up to people and their complexities.
If a liberal arts education is not possible, we should stay as informed and engaged in the broader culture as possible. We also need to read widely-not only current best sellers but also the classics (see chapter 12 for a discussion of the classics).
Then we need to learn the art of asking questions, and the closely related art of listening (in a way that reveals genuine interest in others). Follow the example of Jesus, who was an unparalleled questioner and listener. Doing so will open doors for the gospel.
Here's a basic rule of thumb: Go as deep as the person you are speaking with will allow. Begin with public topics common to you both. Then move into other, deeper areas the person leaves open to you through his or her answers.
Note what Jesus does with a certain inquirer named Nicodemus:
Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him.” Jesus answered him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”
Nicodemus asks a theological question. Jesus answers him using the metaphor of birth. He does this because some things can only be explained by way of analogy. According to Merriam-Webster, an analogy is a “resemblance in some particulars between things otherwise unlike.” Jesus uses something He and Nicodemus have in common—physical birth—to move to the deeper topic of spiritual birth.
With the sick man at the Pool of Bethesda, Jesus worked with the local belief that people could be healed if they reached the water first. The Gospels are full of these encounters between Jesus and the spiritually needy. The sacramental evangelist will study them and be alert for contemporary applications.
MOVIES, MUSIC, AND MORE
What raw material can we use to strike up a conversation? Books and movies play a profound role in Western culture and provide many avenues to fruitful explorations of issues. Note the general progression in the following questions-from public issues into deeper topics:
How do the characters handle key life issues—work, family, alienation, and so on?
How do the characters respond to situations and plot turns?
Which character did you most identify with and why?
What did you find most admirable in the character you identified with?
Which character did you find most irritating and why?
What were the unmet needs of the character you found irritating?
What did that character want?
What was he or she trying to accomplish?
Was the character going about it in a good way or a bad way?
How do you make judgments as to what is good or bad, right, or wrong?
Were the needs of the various characters good or bad?
Did the characters act fairly?
Was their attempt to fulfill their needs fair? Why do you think so?
What do you think Jesus would do for this person if He were to meet those needs in a loving way?
If no books or movies are at hand, talk about something else that interests you or the other person. At Starbucks or Caribou you can discuss coffee—how it is grown, the economics of coffee, fair trade and social justice issues, the dignity of humanity, and so on.
At the park you can discuss the weather, the dog being walked, or some other topic that lends itself naturally to mentioning God's creative greatness. On an airplane you can discuss travel and the pilgrim longing (see the next chapter), or perhaps the fear of travel. At a funeral you can naturally talk about death, missing loved ones, practical concerns, and other topics. You can comment on commonly shared and noted current events. When listening to music, remark about how amazing it is that we can enjoy it and mention that you think it is a gift from God. Ask where a person is from and prepare to go deeper. He or she may mention a divorce or speak wistfully of some long gone place.
As you broach these topics, think about generic—unthreatening—follow-up questions. Good questions awaken curiosity and focus attention on unmet needs only Jesus has the capacity to fulfill. The aim is to go as deep as your companion will allow.
"Our Lord tells us not to put out the smoking flax, not to break the bruised reed—and yet I always see this,” Baron von Hugel said. “God makes lovely little flowers to grow everywhere, but someone always comes and sits on them."
FACING PAINFUL TOPICS
Relationships often bring our deepest joys ... and our deepest sorrows. Being honestly in touch with your own relational successes and struggles may help you open up the conversation further. Be careful not to talk too much about yourself, however. Use your experience as a gentle transition for the other person to open up. Here are some innocuous queries: Do you have siblings? Are you married? Do you have children? Then listen.
Validate pain, anger, disappointment, bitterness, and struggle. They are all around us, and for good reason, whether experienced personally or collectively as a family or even a nation. Our pain, when not given to God, produces bitterness that kills. “In fact,” Anne Lamott has written, “not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die."
Do not shy away from such expressions of pain. They may seem like barriers to faith but in fact simply could be the rubble of human brokenness. When this rubble is cleared away, a person's heart may open, allowing him or her to believe the gospel.
Because we are made in God's image, our only lasting satisfaction must be found in Him. But too few people realize this truth. “There is one elementary fact which is quite obvious,” Albert Schweitzer said. “The disastrous feature of our civilization is that it is far more developed materially than spiritually." And remember, Schweitzer wrote this in 1922—long before the Internet, DVDs, iPods, iPads, and whatever other electronic devices come our way!
So watch for deeper points of connection with your fellow image-bearers. Since God is present, they will be there. Just remember, one person's search for God may well look different than another's. Jesus is the only way to God, but the way to Jesus is unique for each of us.
Discussion Questions
What factors cause conversations to get under way with people you've just met? How did relationships with your close friends develop? What can you draw on in your own experience that might help you cultivate relationships with others to win their trust and tell them about Christ?
A point of connection with a fellow human being begins by asking public questions about things commonly shared. What are some common things you can ask about on a first meeting that might initiate a conversation? How might you draw out the perspective of others into meaningful and non-judgmental conversation in order to get to know that person and become aware of God's individual work in his or her life?
There is an art to asking questions and listening interactively. Have you ever considered that this art might develop as you cultivate a sense of curiosity, wonder, and awe? What are you doing to cultivate these things now? How can you develop a growing interest in the unique people all around you, each of whom was made by God and in whom He delights? How might this curiosity and wonder make you a better evangelist?
What books have you read recently? What movies have you seen? What current events have occurred that could occasion a conversation about spiritual things? Explain how. you might use the book, the film, or the current event to open a conversation to a discussion of deeper matters.
Is our world more developed materially than spiritually? Explain why you think so. Could it be that people are still spiritually inclined and interested even though fewer may be talking about deep things in public settings? Pray that God grants you the grace to segue conversations naturally into the regions where people are so hungry and yet many are unwilling to bring these things up. What might this look like in your sphere of influence?
